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We Aren’t Juice Cleanse People… We’re Cheese People

For a while, Danny and I have been talking about doing a juice cleanse. So, over the past few weeks, I have been researching slew of different ones that you could order, and finally used a few sites I found on Pinterest (1, 2, 3, etc.) as inspiration to put together our own that vaguely resembled the Blueprint Cleanse (I was drawn to the Blueprint cleanse in the beginning because of it’s packaging… I am a sucker for good marketing… I will purchase almost anything that looks that neat and sleek). So anyway, I made my own recipes, put them each individually into the SparkPeople recipe maker to find out our ratio of carbs/fats/proteins and calorie counts, etc. and adjusted as necessary to make sure we weren’t going to be starving ourselves. Then I made a list of all the ingredients we would need. On Sunday night (literally night… we were shopping for fruits and veggies at 10pm, it was weird), we made the trek to Safeway and loaded the card with deliciousness (plus kale and beets, which I really wasn’t so sure about).

Once we got home, the juicer came out and we started whipping up the juices for Monday. They were all pretty delicious. Monday rolled around and I started out with my green juice (kale, spinach, apples, banana, celery) and my protein smoothie. Before leaving for work, I unplugged the coffee maker to deter Danny from using it (I knew the no coffee part was going to be tough for him)… sure enough, he came downstairs and went straight for the keurig that I have just unplugged. He asked why it was unplugged, and I told him “no coffee” . His face was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. It was like I had just taken away his oxygen.

So then around 10:30, once I was at work, some of my coworkers started talking about seak and potatoes and planning a dinner for Friday night. My mouth started watering. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t hungry… sometimes I go without breakfast and lunch and I’m fine… but just the thought of food that I couldn’t have for another 4 days had a surprisingly strong effect on me. Lunchtime came and I finished off my beet juice (beets, carrots, oranges, pineapple, apple) and carrot juice (carrots, celery, cucumber, pears, oranges) just fine. I still didn’t feel hungry by the time I left for home, but walking in the house was like walking into a room full of everything you love that you are not allowed to touch (or in my case, eat). It was miserable. I was not feeling strong.

I still had two smoothies left for the day, my lemonade and coconut avocado smoothie… I only made the lemonde smoothie… I have yet to try the coconut avocado smoothie (spinach, avocado, coconut milk, regular milk, parsley and vanilla)… I didn’t make it that far, unfortunately…

Our texts between 6 and 8 pm went something like this: “I want goudaaaa” – “I want anything” – “I want coffee soooo bad” – “I keep looking in the fridge” – “I want cheese” – “I love food too much for this” – “1 day cleanse is good enough for me” – “would that mean we have no self control?” – “imagine a chipotle burrito right now” – “this is masochistic” – “fooooood” – then the last few messages… “I don’t think we are juice cleanse people” – “we are cheese people” – “what’s for dinner?”

So that’s as far as we made it…. turned into more like a 12 hour juice cleanse, but hey, that’s better than nothing, right?

To be fair, I don’t really believe in juice cleanses in the first place; unless there is something wrong with your body’s, it should be doing a pretty good job of getting rid of the bad stuff on its own… that’s what we have a liver and kidneys, right? Anywhoo… we joined the gym today instead, and plan to at least try to eat better.

Result: I learned that I can drink beets… I’m not sure I can eat them straight up yet, but who knows… maybe that will be my vegetable of the year (I used to say I would add a new vegetable to my diet every year… can’t really attest to how that goal has progressed over the years, I just know I am a lot less picky than I used to be). Also very excited to go home in June to drink green smoothies fresh from the garden! Delish!

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